The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Rumble strips road head = magical
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
