pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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