butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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