I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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