He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
