having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
