and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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