i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
