so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
