peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
