someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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