I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
