that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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