I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
