I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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