brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
