Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
