Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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