tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
