a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
