I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
