love makes seman taste better
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
