my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
