happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
