he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
