He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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