if i can run in heels then i can drive
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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