The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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