who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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