you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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