I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
