First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
should my penis look like a turkey
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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