Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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