i'm lost and i look like a hooker
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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