i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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