It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
