ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
