my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
