i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
