i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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