grandma shit on top of the toilet
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
