this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
