After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
