so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
