everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
