You smell like stripper and shame
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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