So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
