shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
