Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
