okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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