and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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