god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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