Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
