I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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